Kellie Powell (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wednesdayview) wrote,@ 2007-04-22 17:13:00 |
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Take Back the Blog
The following is my contribution to Take Back the Blog, April 28, 2007.
During my final semester at Illinois State University, I wrote a weekly column for my college newspaper, The Daily Vidette. Most of the other weekly columnists wrote about topics such as Chuck Norris jokes and their fondness for moccasins. I started out writing about senioritis and the declining popularity of good grammar, but on the third Wednesday, a column was published called "The 'gay agenda' doesn't mention you." The column attracted no response from the campus and its students. However, the Vidette is also published online at www.dailyvidette.com, and I also published my column on my livejournal. On Wednesday, February 1, 2006, I had an inbox full of hate e-mail before I went to my first class.
I remember walking to my class in a daze, wondering: How can so many people - who I have never even met - hate me so much? I was shocked by how much people hated gays, but I was even more shocked by the efforts they exerted to threaten me personally. I was called an "ugly fag hag." I was directed to a message board where people had posted photos of me, photos of my mother, and information about me from the campus directory. Someone even posted my class schedule.
Friends and fellow liberals consoled me by saying that most of these haters were probably a thousand miles away from me and were no threat to me. They told me that I should be proud of making people angry. They said the fact that I was receiving hate mail meant I was doing something right.
I survived this incident, and went on to write columns about abortion rights, feminism, and the invasion of Iraq. I received garden-variety hate mail and angry ad hominem attacks in comments on my livejournal, but nothing as hardcore as the hatred following my gay rights editorial.
During the same semester, I was also sent obscene e-mails, instant messages and photographs from an AOL user with a screen name inspired by male genitalia. One message was just the address of my student apartment, which was not in the campus directory, online, or in the phone book. He wanted me to know that he knew where I lived. My roommate finally convinced me to report these incidents to the local police. I still do not know who was responsible, or even whether these messages were related to my column.
After graduation, I slowly began to give up posting about politics. I did not have the strength to endure the attacks of a nameless, faceless enemy. It was an endless pit of hatred, and it seemed to have an endless amount of time and energy at its disposal. I felt as though I, as one young woman with a livejournal, was powerless against it. Which is exactly the way they wanted me to feel.
They didn't hate my politics. They hated me. They directed their hatred at me. Why would someone do that? They called me ugly. Would they have attacked the appearance of a male columnist or blogger with the same views? Maybe they would, but I don't think so. They called me a "fag hag," a term that has no male equivalent. If they had attacked my views, I would have been outraged, but they attacked my face, my hair, my body. It's a message that women hear every day of their lives: You are your body, not your mind. You are your appearance, not your opinions.
What is most shocking is that what I went through was positively tame compared to the abuse that other bloggers, journalists, and writers have endured. The Internet has become a haven for backlash and hatred, a paradise for those who would rather intimidate than debate. Some recommend anonymity, but anonymity is the tool that enables our abusers. Unfortunately, I don't have any better ideas. I'm just taking it one day at a time, hoping the strength of others will inspire strength in me.
The following is my contribution to Take Back the Blog, April 28, 2007.
During my final semester at Illinois State University, I wrote a weekly column for my college newspaper, The Daily Vidette. Most of the other weekly columnists wrote about topics such as Chuck Norris jokes and their fondness for moccasins. I started out writing about senioritis and the declining popularity of good grammar, but on the third Wednesday, a column was published called "The 'gay agenda' doesn't mention you." The column attracted no response from the campus and its students. However, the Vidette is also published online at www.dailyvidette.com, and I also published my column on my livejournal. On Wednesday, February 1, 2006, I had an inbox full of hate e-mail before I went to my first class.
I remember walking to my class in a daze, wondering: How can so many people - who I have never even met - hate me so much? I was shocked by how much people hated gays, but I was even more shocked by the efforts they exerted to threaten me personally. I was called an "ugly fag hag." I was directed to a message board where people had posted photos of me, photos of my mother, and information about me from the campus directory. Someone even posted my class schedule.
Friends and fellow liberals consoled me by saying that most of these haters were probably a thousand miles away from me and were no threat to me. They told me that I should be proud of making people angry. They said the fact that I was receiving hate mail meant I was doing something right.
I survived this incident, and went on to write columns about abortion rights, feminism, and the invasion of Iraq. I received garden-variety hate mail and angry ad hominem attacks in comments on my livejournal, but nothing as hardcore as the hatred following my gay rights editorial.
During the same semester, I was also sent obscene e-mails, instant messages and photographs from an AOL user with a screen name inspired by male genitalia. One message was just the address of my student apartment, which was not in the campus directory, online, or in the phone book. He wanted me to know that he knew where I lived. My roommate finally convinced me to report these incidents to the local police. I still do not know who was responsible, or even whether these messages were related to my column.
After graduation, I slowly began to give up posting about politics. I did not have the strength to endure the attacks of a nameless, faceless enemy. It was an endless pit of hatred, and it seemed to have an endless amount of time and energy at its disposal. I felt as though I, as one young woman with a livejournal, was powerless against it. Which is exactly the way they wanted me to feel.
They didn't hate my politics. They hated me. They directed their hatred at me. Why would someone do that? They called me ugly. Would they have attacked the appearance of a male columnist or blogger with the same views? Maybe they would, but I don't think so. They called me a "fag hag," a term that has no male equivalent. If they had attacked my views, I would have been outraged, but they attacked my face, my hair, my body. It's a message that women hear every day of their lives: You are your body, not your mind. You are your appearance, not your opinions.
What is most shocking is that what I went through was positively tame compared to the abuse that other bloggers, journalists, and writers have endured. The Internet has become a haven for backlash and hatred, a paradise for those who would rather intimidate than debate. Some recommend anonymity, but anonymity is the tool that enables our abusers. Unfortunately, I don't have any better ideas. I'm just taking it one day at a time, hoping the strength of others will inspire strength in me.
