Kellie Powell (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wednesdayview) wrote,@ 2006-01-30 21:48:00 |
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The Gay Agenda Doesn't Mention You
Many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and other conservative traditionalists rant about "The Gay Agenda." But no one really knows what that agenda is. After a little research, I discovered a copy of this mysterious agenda. I will summarize it here for you:
8am - Protein shake
9am - Work out at the gym
10am - Rape straight men, give pornography to children, bulldoze all churches, and destroy the sanctity of marriage (or what's left of it after Fox's "Married By America.")
11am - Shopping
Hey, wait a second!
Some of the most important people in my life are gay men and lesbian women. And I think it goes without saying that being gay does not mean you are sick enough to want to force or coerce someone into having sex with you. Being gay doesn't make you a pedophile or a pervert. (There are plenty of straight rapists and molesters. Look it up if you don't believe me.) Being gay doesn't automatically make you immoral, an atheist, or a drug addict. Being gay doesn't mean you're HIV positive, dangerous, promiscuous, or any different from any other human person. Being gay is something that a person is, but it is not who a person is, and it has no more effect on the quality of your character than your shoe size.
So why do people fear, hate, and persecute homosexuals? Aside from the fact that it's so damn TRENDY, bigots typically give one of two reasons: 1.) The Bible says it's wrong. 2.) They find it "gross."
First off, let me say that I like God, and I like Jesus. I just happen to think some of their followers are spanked in the head. I'm down with the forgiveness, and the loving thy neighbor, and the doing unto others. But I think God and Jesus are about sick to death of people using Their names to persecute each other. From the Spanish Inquisition to the KKK, every nutbag with a weapon and a chip on his shoulder has claimed they were acting out God's will.
If you hate people because the Bible, your preacher, your minister, or Pat Buchanan says homosexuality is a sin... it's my opinion that GOD THINKS YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
I mean it. I think he's up in Heaven right now, saying, "Dude! The Bible says you can sell your children into slavery, too! I don't see anybody having an auction!"
I think when Matthew Shepard was beaten and left for dead in Wyoming, Jesus sighed and said, "God... why won't these humans use the brains You gave them?"
I understand that the Bible is a cornerstone of Christianity, and it's important to take this artifact seriously. It hasn't been around so long just because the pages make great rolling papers. But it's also important to understand that in addition to the Word of God, it contains the biases of the men who wrote it. Biases regarding vegetarianism, men with long hair, and believing the sun revolved around the Earth, just to name a few.
Catholics, Mormons, Mennonites, Amish, Baptists, Lutherans, Protestants, Jehovah's Witnesses... A lot of people have read the same document and interpreted it in very different ways. And believing that your way is right just because you say so... that's not faith. That's arrogance.
The Nazis chose a symbol that had once represented peace. That didn't make them a peaceful group of people. Conservatives can use the name of Jesus and the sign of the cross, but it doesn't mean that their hate-mongering has anything to do with being Christians.
If there is a Hell, it is my sincere hope that it is reserved for those who lived their lives as though it was their place, not God's to judge humankind.
And now, the even sillier reason to hate gay people: 'cause you think gay sex is unappealing to you personally. You can call it "sick," "gross," "disgusting," "unsanitary," or just plain "icky," but the fact is, these are also adjectives that have been used to condemn heterosexual intercourse.
Think back to being a child, to the first time one of your parents (or maybe a kid on the playground) told you what sex was. If you were anything like me at age five, you thought, "Why on earth would anyone want to do THAT? I'm definitely never going to do that! Ewwwww!"
Sex is icky. In the abstract, sex is about like sticking your finger up someone's nose. It's roughly equivalent to chewing up some Cheeto's, spitting into a cup, swapping cups with someone, and eating each other's chewed-up orange gunk. The only difference is, there's no biological imperitive to stick your finger up someone's nose or eat someone else's chewed-up Cheetos.
Sexual satisfaction is a primary human need, like hunger, thirst, and the need for appropriate temperature. No, you won't suffer the effects of starvation, dehydration, hypothermia, or heat stroke if you abstain from sex. But you will suffer from loneliness. Your physical and mental well-being will be impaired. And if you're anything like me, you'll be really stressed out and cranky.
[Kellie's Note: In fact, I wrote the rough draft of this column while stranded in a Joliet train station in pursuit of a sexual partner. Such is the power of human sexual need.]
So, you find homosexual sex unappealing. Okay. Suit yourself. Take a look around. Is anyone asking you to engage in the behavior? Are they demanding that you start finding members of your own gender appropriate? Is there a gay man on your street corner, asking you, "Hey... wanna turn gay? All the cool kids are doing it!"
Now, listen up straight men - It's time to GET OVER YOURSELVES. You are not so devastatingly attractive that setting foot in the Bistro is going to get you gang-raped. If a gay guy flirts with you, the rational thing to do is be flattered and politely decline. Realize that a gay man probably finds you attractive for the same qualities that draw the attention of straight females. So act the way you would if a girl hit on you, but you weren't attracted to her. Gay men are not a threat to you. You don't see women going postal every time a guy winks at us, and we're way more likelier to be raped than you are.
The only reason you could have to be afraid of a gay man kissing, touching, or talking to you is if you're afraid YOU MIGHT LIKE IT.
And whether it's now, or in thirty years when you murder your next door neighbor like the military dad in "American Beauty," you will have to deal with your sexual confusion eventually.
So what do "the gays" want? Like most people, homosexual people want to be treated like human beings, and citizens of this country. They want the things we all want: Families. Careers. Safety. And, yes, love.
And if you think you're qualified to tell them they don't deserve these things... then I think there's a deity out there who's awfully disappointed in you.
www.dailyvidette.com
Many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and other conservative traditionalists rant about "The Gay Agenda." But no one really knows what that agenda is. After a little research, I discovered a copy of this mysterious agenda. I will summarize it here for you:
8am - Protein shake
9am - Work out at the gym
10am - Rape straight men, give pornography to children, bulldoze all churches, and destroy the sanctity of marriage (or what's left of it after Fox's "Married By America.")
11am - Shopping
Hey, wait a second!
Some of the most important people in my life are gay men and lesbian women. And I think it goes without saying that being gay does not mean you are sick enough to want to force or coerce someone into having sex with you. Being gay doesn't make you a pedophile or a pervert. (There are plenty of straight rapists and molesters. Look it up if you don't believe me.) Being gay doesn't automatically make you immoral, an atheist, or a drug addict. Being gay doesn't mean you're HIV positive, dangerous, promiscuous, or any different from any other human person. Being gay is something that a person is, but it is not who a person is, and it has no more effect on the quality of your character than your shoe size.
So why do people fear, hate, and persecute homosexuals? Aside from the fact that it's so damn TRENDY, bigots typically give one of two reasons: 1.) The Bible says it's wrong. 2.) They find it "gross."
First off, let me say that I like God, and I like Jesus. I just happen to think some of their followers are spanked in the head. I'm down with the forgiveness, and the loving thy neighbor, and the doing unto others. But I think God and Jesus are about sick to death of people using Their names to persecute each other. From the Spanish Inquisition to the KKK, every nutbag with a weapon and a chip on his shoulder has claimed they were acting out God's will.
If you hate people because the Bible, your preacher, your minister, or Pat Buchanan says homosexuality is a sin... it's my opinion that GOD THINKS YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
I mean it. I think he's up in Heaven right now, saying, "Dude! The Bible says you can sell your children into slavery, too! I don't see anybody having an auction!"
I think when Matthew Shepard was beaten and left for dead in Wyoming, Jesus sighed and said, "God... why won't these humans use the brains You gave them?"
I understand that the Bible is a cornerstone of Christianity, and it's important to take this artifact seriously. It hasn't been around so long just because the pages make great rolling papers. But it's also important to understand that in addition to the Word of God, it contains the biases of the men who wrote it. Biases regarding vegetarianism, men with long hair, and believing the sun revolved around the Earth, just to name a few.
Catholics, Mormons, Mennonites, Amish, Baptists, Lutherans, Protestants, Jehovah's Witnesses... A lot of people have read the same document and interpreted it in very different ways. And believing that your way is right just because you say so... that's not faith. That's arrogance.
The Nazis chose a symbol that had once represented peace. That didn't make them a peaceful group of people. Conservatives can use the name of Jesus and the sign of the cross, but it doesn't mean that their hate-mongering has anything to do with being Christians.
If there is a Hell, it is my sincere hope that it is reserved for those who lived their lives as though it was their place, not God's to judge humankind.
And now, the even sillier reason to hate gay people: 'cause you think gay sex is unappealing to you personally. You can call it "sick," "gross," "disgusting," "unsanitary," or just plain "icky," but the fact is, these are also adjectives that have been used to condemn heterosexual intercourse.
Think back to being a child, to the first time one of your parents (or maybe a kid on the playground) told you what sex was. If you were anything like me at age five, you thought, "Why on earth would anyone want to do THAT? I'm definitely never going to do that! Ewwwww!"
Sex is icky. In the abstract, sex is about like sticking your finger up someone's nose. It's roughly equivalent to chewing up some Cheeto's, spitting into a cup, swapping cups with someone, and eating each other's chewed-up orange gunk. The only difference is, there's no biological imperitive to stick your finger up someone's nose or eat someone else's chewed-up Cheetos.
Sexual satisfaction is a primary human need, like hunger, thirst, and the need for appropriate temperature. No, you won't suffer the effects of starvation, dehydration, hypothermia, or heat stroke if you abstain from sex. But you will suffer from loneliness. Your physical and mental well-being will be impaired. And if you're anything like me, you'll be really stressed out and cranky.
[Kellie's Note: In fact, I wrote the rough draft of this column while stranded in a Joliet train station in pursuit of a sexual partner. Such is the power of human sexual need.]
So, you find homosexual sex unappealing. Okay. Suit yourself. Take a look around. Is anyone asking you to engage in the behavior? Are they demanding that you start finding members of your own gender appropriate? Is there a gay man on your street corner, asking you, "Hey... wanna turn gay? All the cool kids are doing it!"
Now, listen up straight men - It's time to GET OVER YOURSELVES. You are not so devastatingly attractive that setting foot in the Bistro is going to get you gang-raped. If a gay guy flirts with you, the rational thing to do is be flattered and politely decline. Realize that a gay man probably finds you attractive for the same qualities that draw the attention of straight females. So act the way you would if a girl hit on you, but you weren't attracted to her. Gay men are not a threat to you. You don't see women going postal every time a guy winks at us, and we're way more likelier to be raped than you are.
The only reason you could have to be afraid of a gay man kissing, touching, or talking to you is if you're afraid YOU MIGHT LIKE IT.
And whether it's now, or in thirty years when you murder your next door neighbor like the military dad in "American Beauty," you will have to deal with your sexual confusion eventually.
So what do "the gays" want? Like most people, homosexual people want to be treated like human beings, and citizens of this country. They want the things we all want: Families. Careers. Safety. And, yes, love.
And if you think you're qualified to tell them they don't deserve these things... then I think there's a deity out there who's awfully disappointed in you.
www.dailyvidette.com
